On a Foreign shore... - The Ins and Outs of getting hitched abroad

Planning a wedding is stressful enough as it is.  Trying to plan one abroad adds another dimension to the process.  Would you consider taking that challenge on?

alohaislandweddings.com

There are many reasons to hold your nuptials abroad.  Whether it is for reasons of sentimentality, or simply because the UK can't accommodate the kind of event you're looking for, you should research your destination as much as possible before honing in on the perfect location.  Whether that be on a tropical island or a snow capped mountain, it helps if you've visited the location before.  Maybe you've been there on holiday.  I would recommend visiting your selected destination, if at all possible, before signing any contracts.

mydreamweddingceremony.com

As with any wedding, there are some very important points to consider:

• The legal side of things: you need to create a record of your overseas marriage once you're back in the UK.  You can do this at any time after the ceremony.  If you marry outside of the Commonwealth, you will need to contact the Foreign Office about depositing your marriage certificates.  There is no provision as yet for those who marry in a Commonwealth country.  For more information, visit www.direct.gov.uk
• You will be unable to sample items such as food, decorations and flowers ahead of time.  Most suppliers may be able to send you pictures, but while a picture tells a thousand words, it may not tell you the whole truth.
• If you plan to purchase your dress/outfits ahead of time, you will need to make provision for them in your luggage allowances when travelling.  If travelling a long distance, you will also need to make provisions for them to cleaned/steamed/cared for once you arrive.

which.co.uk

I've heard mixed reviews from brides planning their weddings in another country.  Some said it was the most stressful thing that they'd ever experienced; others said that putting their plans to into the hands of wedding companies meant all the stress was lifted from them.  One theme that came through loud and clear was trust.  You had to trust the photographs you were sent to be accurate; you had to trust other people's recommendations; you had to trust the hotels and airlines to deliver on time.

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The most important thing with going abroad is to allow yourself enough time to prepare.  You may want to consider visiting the destination and talking to as many of your suppliers as possible before signing any contracts on 

This article is dedicated to the lovely Claire Arbon, who inspired it.  Claire is planning her wedding in Ireland.  Best of luck to her! x x x

All For One - Where do you stand on same sex marriage?

I do not generally use this blog to talk politics or take the world too seriously.  By and large, I try to offer advice about the wedding industry and I endeavour to keep the tone as light-hearted as possible.  But sometimes, there are topical issues that are too big to ignore.

theblaze.com

The question of gay marriage has reared it's ugly head again.  (It's the question that's ugly, not the marriage.)  Today the Scottish National Party (SNP) announced plans to introduce gay marriage as soon as 2015.  Earlier this year, President Obama came out saying that he is in favour of it.  Everywhere you look, someone has an opinion on it.

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The issue is far less contentious here in the UK.  We've had civil partnerships, granting equal rights to homosexual couples as  since 2005.  Religious groups cried 'Hell!' and 'Damnation!' left right and centre when it was announced, but to no one's great surprise, it hasn't caused the end of the world.  Life carries on pretty much as normal.

economicstudents.com

My position on the issue is this: I do not give one jot for semantics - marriage, civil partnership - the ultimate point is that so long as the legal rights are in place, the terminology does not matter.  Love is love is love, no matter who you are.  I also believe that the government are missing a trick with civil partnerships.  Marriage should be as it always is: two people entering into a contract with the state via a ceremony.  This is whether they are a man and a man, a woman and a woman or a man and a woman.  Civil partnerships would be exactly the same thing, except for the ceremony part.  Instead, a contract would be signed and agreed - in the presence of two witnesses and local official - and couples would sign a document, agreeing to do all the things that couples promise to each other when entering a marriage.  A civil partnership would in this way, I believe, cut out the one element of marriage that co-habiting couples would rather avoid: the ceremony.

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Whilst I am all for weddings - in fact, my business kinda relies on them! - it's an inescapable fact that some people are downright allergic to them.  The thought of being obliged to spend so much money on one day just to keep friends and family off their backs is more than enough to put some people off the idea.  This is a shame because marriage has been proven to be legally, socially and scientifically better for you than co-habitation.

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It is certainly not place to tell you how to think or feel, but I would urge anyone considering their opinion on gay marriage to think carefully about the implications from all sides.  I believe firmly in love; love at all costs.  Marriage relies on love, and I believe if you crush opportunities for marriage, you crush love too.

You Do, but then You Don't... - Can marriage be detrimental to a relationship?

Many of us greeted the news of the split between Heidi Klum and British soul singer Seal with much shock and sadness.  Not just because they always looked so happy together - we all know that looks can be deceiving and that the camera DOES lie - but more because they went through so much together in the early days of their courtship, it seemed like they could overcome anything.

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The couple met when Heidi was pregnant with her first child (daughter Leni by Formula One boss Flavio Briatore).  Seal stood by Heidi was by her side during the birth and from the word go raised Leni as his own.  The couple went on to marry two years later.  It takes a lot of courage, honour too, to raise another man's child as your own with true love and affection, so it's quite understandable why Heidi fell for Seal.

hellomagazine.com

The couple were infamous for their parties.  As well as their Halloween celebrations, every year they renewed their marriage vows in ceremonies and parties, each more wild and extravagent than the last.  Vow renewals can be romantic and serve as wonderful reminder of why you married your partner, but if you feel the need to incessantly renew them, were they really worth taking in the first place?

thesun.co.uk

When former Blue Peter presenter Katy Hill married her childhood sweetheart Andrew Frampton, everybody assumed their marriage would last a lifetime.  They'd been together for 12 years before their wedding day and with her strong Christian upbringing, it was believed that they had what it took to make a relationship last.  Not so: they were separated inside eighteen months.  Details later emerged that Katy was reportedly a virgin when she wed and that they hadn't even lived together before their big day.

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Marriage is more than just a romantic dream; there are a lot of practicalities involved.  How much can you really know about the person you're committing yourself to for life if you don't know what they're like in bed and you don't know what they're like around the house?  What about how they organise their money, or how many children they want to have?  It's in order to answer questions and others like these that many religious sects offer pre-marriage classes.  You may feel like you know your partner inside out and back to front, but sometimes it's good to know that you are definitely singing from the same hymn sheet.

youdidntdidyou.com

Whilst there is no such training regularly offered for couples tying the knot in a civil ceremony, counselling charity Relate offer Couples Workshops on how to keep love alive and how to handle arguments.

Marriage can be a wonderful institution, but it can also be the death knell of a relationship.   If you're not sure whether he's for life or not, it's probably best to find out before you say 'I do' as thereafter it gets very expensive and complicated to 'un-do'.

Keep It Simple, Keep It Real - remembering what it's all about

I was lucky enough to witness the moment when Sir Paul McCartney and his bride Nancy Shevall arrived at Marylebone Register Office, waved to the crowds and then headed inside to say their vows.  When I say "witnessed,"  I acutally mean 'caught on the BBC News 24 channel'.  This very rarely happens to me - being just in time to catch a significant moment - and I can't helped but feel a little proud of this.

The other thing you couldn't help but notice was how happy he and his bride looked.  My belief is that not only were they in love, they didn't have many of the hang-ups of a big wedding with lots of photographers, media attention, and general hullabaloo that weddings seem to attract.  Paul and Nancy had it sussed - they invited only 30 of their closet friends and family to witness their marriage.  They then had a party at home with food and music exactly as they wanted it.  No bending to specific venue suppliers, fussy caterers or overbearing magazine photographers trying to get as many celebs as possible in the one shot.  Perfect!

Having a quiet wedding when you're a celeb is not easy.  Madonna and Guy Richie's nuptials in December 2000 had the world's media circus clamouring at the doors of Skibo Castle in Scotland.  Yet ultimately, all the disruption was for nothing.  Photographers and fans alike were left disappointed by the complete no-show of the happy couple.  Some fans even felt let down that they were not permitted a teensy glimpse into their favourite singer's big day.  Many locals felt peeved at having so much upheaval and disturbance, particularly in the run-up to Christmas, with no reward.  At least Kate Moss had the decency to send everybody in Southrop a bottle of champagne to say sorry for the disruption!

Perhaps the best way to handle public interest in a wedding is by doing it the way that Zoe Ball & Norman Cook, Abbey Clancy & Peter Crouch, and Ed Milliband & Justine Thornton did it: by keeping the celebrations strictly behind closed doors, but posing for fans and photographers for just a couple of minutes.  The public gets what it wants and the couple can party in relative peace.  Alternatively, when Macca married Heather Mills in 2002, they issued one official photograph from their day which was sold to media agencies in exchange for a donation to their chosen charities.

Thankfully, press control is something few of us will ever have to worry about.  However, if you're planning to marry quietly, 'just us two', you may want to consider hiring a good photographer, selecting one image and sending it out a print - an 'official' photograph - to your friends and family who weren't there to give them a little taste of what the day was like.  It will probably help to heal any sore wounds caused by a missed opportunity to party.

Marriage and Motherhood: what's it like being pregnant on your big day?

It's the ultimate sign of commitment between a couple; a day you'll remember for the rest of your lives...  But what are we talking about here?  Getting married or having a baby?

I recently asked a friend of mine what she thought about a bride being pregnant on her weddding day.  "Well," she said.  "If you can see the bump yet, then I guess it's kinda cute.  I mean, it's like a secret between the bride and the groom.  It's the ultimate commitment.  But if she's showing then it just looks desperate."  So, according to my friend, on that basis Lily Allen was cute but Alicia Keys was desperate.

Having kids before marriage, or even without it entirely, is no longer the taboo it once was TF4T.  If anything there seems to be a complete reversal in that couples now want to procreate and have their children participate actively in their wedding.  Take Victoria and David Beckham: notorious for being extremely protective of their children's privacy, they took great pains to include their son Brooklyn in their wedding photos (covered exclusively by OK! magazine) because they didn't want him asking in later years, 'Where was I at your wedding?'

Perhaps I take a far too practical view of these things, but I think it would simply be too much.  When you're pregnant, your energy levels are lower, your hair and nails are devoid of their normal nutrients and feeling like you want to throw up on your wedding can't be a good thing.  I understand why couples feel the need to be married before their child arrives - legally, it makes things a heck of a lot more simple! - but organising a wedding is a full time occupation.  It's hectic enough to organise without having to plan for a baby as well.  My advice: marry before the baby comes if you wish, but please, leave the big wedding celebration til later.  That way the newest member of your family can also be a part of it.

3rd Time's the Charm - wedding, but not for the first time

Marriage is a big business in the UK, but sadly so is divorce.  It's a painful, trying and often financially exhausting time.  So when there is a light at the end of the tunnel - when you meet and fall in love again - it can lead to a nail-biting decision: To wed or not to wed?

The bottom line is: no one but you can tell you whether remarrying again is a good idea.  You must go with your gut instinct.  If it is causing a rift between you and your partner, you must think long and hard about whether it is an issue on which you can compromise, or whether it would be better for you and your partner to go your seperate ways.  Is the issue of marriage worth losing a partner over?

If you do decide to take the plunge second time around, there is the question of what kind of celebration to have.  Many people feel they don't deserve a big do second time around because they messed it up the first time.  This is UTTER NONSENSE!  Some people worry that people will think them frivilous for having a big celebration again.  Again, this is TOTAL RUBBISH.  If anyone thinks like that about remarriage, they are not worth having around on your big day.  People who truly love you, care for you and want nothing but happiness for you will gladly take part in your celebrations, no matter how small or how extravagent.

Personally I say, you only marry for the second time once.  No matter how many times you marry,  you should always have the day you want.

Oh Baby! - Is it better to have kids before or after I Do?

When Ed Miliband married his long-term love Justine Thorton earlier this year, it was not without it's controversy.  And I'm not talking about the supposed hatchet-burying between the Miliband brothers.

Ed and Justine had been together for many years before tying the knot and had two sons.  Some people wondered why they were bothing to get married.  Children are a far bigger commitment than a piece of paper that binds you together with the State.

There were also cynical others like me who suspected that Ed Miliband only began to "believe in marriage" once it looked like his political career was going to take off.  That said, more and more couples are waiting until after they've had children to get hitched.  There is some sense in this: marriage is not time critical, whereas child-bearing is.  I've also heard it said to me that a couple wanted to have their children to help celebrate Mummy and Daddy's big day.

Whether you're cynical of Ed's motivation or not, he and Justine took the step of marrying each other with their children present.  Ultimately, that will buy them and their children more financial and legal protection from the State.  Whether or not it benefits them as a family unit will be known only unto them.  Good luck Ed and Justine.

Organised Banker/Bride - never mock the bride who is financially well prepared

Whoever said "You can be too prepared" didn't know what the heck he was talking about.  He certainly had never planned a wedding!

The one mistake I see brides making time and time again is leaving things to the last minute.  A lot of people think that it is somehow inappropriate to start looking at things too soon after getting engaged.  NOT TRUE!  Also, going out to buy a dress before picking your venue and date is crass.  EH-EH!  WRONG AGAIN!  The most imporant rule of planning is: You can never start planning too soon.

Whilst there are perhaps technical implications to some of this - sometimes it is more prudent to wait until you have other details fixed before buying your dress - what's to stop you from building your big day around the dress.  Why not?  Planning is about shaping the day the way you want.

Of course, it is sensible to prioristise what is important to you on your big day.  You also should consider what is going to take up the most of your budget.  Venue hire and catering usually eat up the biggest portion of the money.

So first and foremost after getting engaged, you must set the budget.  Make it realistic.  Whilst it is fair to factor to factor in contributions from family whom you know for sure will want to contribute, it is unrealistic to try and factor in future savings (i.e. money you don't already have in the bank.)  However, agreeing not to start planning a wedding until you've got the amount you want to spend on the wedding saved up is a sensible idea.

Weddings should be paid for 100% from savings.  I do not avocate taking out loans for weddings as the interest you will end up paying on that loan will render the wedding 100% not worth it!  Small items that you can use again after the wedding, such as shoes or wedding night lingerie, could be paid for from your day to day bank account, but only after all your monthly expenses such as your phone bills, other utility bills, insurance payments, petrol/fuel costs, food shopping etc.  have been covered.  Also, never put wedding payments onto a credit card unless you know you have the money in savings to clear it.

It may help you to set up a seperate bank account for all wedding expenditure.  This will help you to see exactly how much is being spent on what.  If you cannot do this, make sure you keep a spreadsheet detailing all this information.  A spreadsheet can also help you keep an eye on any funds that are due in the future.

Although it may well be the single most important day of your life, your wedding is not worth getting into debt for.  Be smart with your money.

Monday's Bride is Fair of Face - tying the knot mid week

Peter Crouch is no stranger to starting trends.  Remember the 'Robot' victory dance during World Cup 2006?  His beautiful wife Abbey was part of the clan of women that earned the nickname 'WAGs' during that World Cup tournament also.  So perhaps, as a newlywed power couple, they may start a trend for mid week wedding.  They tied the knot on Thursday 30th June in Leicestershire.

Although far from common, weekday weddings are not unheard of.  In the Republic of Ireland, it is extremely rare for couples to marry on weekends with many priests refusing to perform ceremonies especially on Sundays.  Royals have been marrying on weekdays for years.  Princes Charles and Andrew both married on Wednesdays whilst the Queen got hitched on a Thursday.  Fridays are becoming more and more popular as wedding days because they mean a long weekend and plenty more time for partying and celebration.  This trend was typified by this year's royal wedding.



Even the Queen of Cool herself, Kate Moss, did it.

There are many advantages to marrying mid-week.  Cost is undoubtedly the first.  Suppliers expect to busier at weekends, potentially needing extra staff, and they will charge accordingly.  Availability is also another key factor.  You're far more likely to have your choice of venues, say, on a Wednesday than on a Saturday.  And because you're giving venues business they wouldn't otherwise have, they're far more likely to cut you a deal.

The main drawback is that not all of your friends and family may be able to join you on your big day.  It can be hard for some people, especially teachers and shift workers, to get the time off work.  The best way to get as many people as possible there is to give them as much notice as possible.  Normally, you should expect to send your invitations out 6 weeks before the big event.  With a mid week wedding, you should double this to around 12 weeks.  If you know for sure that some important people, e.g. close friends, relatives, siblings etc, are not going to be able to make it, consider hiring a videographer to capture the day and show them later.

P.S: Love her or loathe her, there is no way of getting around the fact that Abbey Crouch nee Clancey looked absolutely smokin' hot on her wedding day!  Congratulations to the happy couple. 

Ssh! - The Pros and Cons of doing it in Secret

What a surprise we've woken up to today - James Bond star Daniel Craig married his love of 6 months Rachel Weisz in a secret ceremony in New York.  Only their children and two close friends were in attendance.

For interfering mothers everywhere, this sounds like a nightmare.  But for many couples, tying the knot with no muss, no fuss is the idea of heaven.

Take Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, who married on a beautiful Carribbean island with her co-star Victor Garber as the celebrant and only one other person in attendance.

It was intimate, beautiful, poignant, meaningful...  everything a wedding should be.

Or should it?  There are some who say that a wedding without the pomp and ceremony, and without the family and friends there to share the moment with you, is not a wedding at all.  The marriage ceremony is steeped in ritual and tradition and to dodge all of that is to simply make a contract with the state.

Of course, if escaping the hoards of guests is EXACTLY the point of your wedding, than you can't do much better than running away to Vegas.  This stunt has been pulled many's the time over years by celebs ranging from Britney Spears to Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley.

As with everything in life, there are good reasons for and against marrying in secret. 

Pros:

• Getting exactly the kind of day you want with no interference from other people.  Whether its on a beautiful beach somewhere, or just you and him at the registry office.
• Significantly cheaper: Fewer guests = fewer costs
• No need to announce engagement: if you're going to marry in secret, there's no need to go through the embarrassment (and cost) of finding a picture for the local paper, ringing lots of people up and explaining for the millionth time how he proposed, or a tedious party with bad buffet food.
• Flexibility: you could jump on a plane for Vegas tomorrow if you want to.  You've not got any guests to worry about, so why not?

Cons:

• Fewer gifts:  Whilst parents and close relatives are likely to still be generous because they love you so much, friends and other family may feel miffed and robbed of a chance to party.  They may be less giving as a result.
• Loss of shared memories: one of the great things about weddings is that they give you and your loved ones a happy occassions to share and talk over for the rest of your lives.
• Having to ring everybody up to tell them afterwards.  It's going to be an even longer phonecall than the engagement one would have been.

It is worth noting that  just because you marry in secret doesn't mean that you can't have the wedding of your dreams.  Darius Campbell and Natasha Henstridge married in beautiful California with only her children in attendance.  They arranged their wedding in a week and Nastasha had always dreamed of wearing Monique Lhuillier on her big day.  Lhuillier wedding dresses, even the 'off-the-rack' ones take at least 3 months to prepare.  But there was a beautiful white cocktail dress in the shop.  Natasha tried and it fit her perfectly.

She got her wish after all.

Everything I Do, Nothing Compares 2 Your Song - picking the perfect first dance

First dances can be nerve-wracking to say the least.  There's the not-stepping-on-your-partner's-toes which can prove problematic, not wanting to look like an idiot in front of all your friends and family, and trying not to ruin your dress, sweeping around a dusty dancefloor.

But before you trip into the light fantastic, there is one big choice to be made:  WHICH SONG TO CHOOSE???

Who can forget the couple who choreographed their first dance in the style of Dirty Dancing:

Or the couple who danced down the aisle to Chris Brown's 'Forever':

Whichever moment of your wedding day to pick to do that dance in, the whole point of doing it is to make a memory that will last a lifetime; for your guests, not just yourself.  If you get it right, the piece of music you choose will always send them right back to your big day.

Classic favourites include Bryan Adams' throaty 'Everything I Do (I Do It For You)', LeAnn Rimes' 'How Do I Live' and 'I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing' from Armageddon's (otherwise pretty forgetable) soundtrack.  The bride and groom would hunch close together and embarrasedly hug each other whilst vaguely swaying to the music, wishing they were anywhere else in the world at that moment.

Because of this, more and more couples are favouring uptempo numbers.  The rise of Whitney Houston's 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)' and Dusty Springfield's 'I Only Wanna Be With You' has been notable. 

Sometimes it's all about finding the right words and the poetry to sum up the momement.  A word to the wise: don't automatically go for the obvious.  You can find this poetry in the most unusual places.  Would you consider taking your first dance with your new husband to Morecombe and Wise's 'Bring Me Sunshine'?  No?  Really?  Not even when the words go:

"Make me happy, through the years,
Never bring me, any tears,
Let your arms be as warm as the sun from up above,
Bring me fun, bring me sunshine, bring me love."

Picking the right song can be a nightmare to say the least but so long as you make one you and your partner will remember for the rest of your lives, you'll be onto a winner.

Lily and Sarah - Fashion rules on the big day

We all know that celeb weddings set the trend of the rest of us poor common folk, and many people quite rightly predicted the boom in lace detail following the wedding of the  Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

Given how she's set up a fashion label as well as a vintage clothing boutique with her sister Sarah Owen, all eyes were on the sometimes-wacky-sometimes-uber-chic Lily Allen to see what she would be wearing on her big day.

And I have to say... I was rather taken aback.

We all know that vintage is 'the' by-word in wedding culture at the moment, and many brides spend hours traipsing around charity shops in a bid to find their perfect antique dress. In her line of work, I would be very surprised if Lily hasn't come across a dress or two like this, so why go to all the bother (not to mention expense) of making this 'modern' vintage, lacy oddbox.

Especially those Princess Leia earmuffs.  We can all see the Rag Time influence in this dress, but this detail feels overblown and over the top to the point of being ridiculous.  It seems such a shame too when the rest of the cap headdress looks rather pretty.

For a high profile fashionista wedding such as this, fashion etiquette cannot be entirely forgotten, but that's exactly what the bride's business partner Sarah seems to have done.  That is FAR too much cleavage on show.  And who told her that those shoes go with that dress??  Okay so she's got to draw attention to her outfit in order to get notice for her business, but is upstaging the bride really the way to go?

Having said all that, given the rough year Lily's had, it's nice to see her with a beaming smile on her face.  No matter what a bride looks like or does, we should always wish her well.  Marriage is a tricky business and the wedding is just the start.