Monday, 27 June 2011

Ssh! - The Pros and Cons of doing it in Secret

What a surprise we've woken up to today - James Bond star Daniel Craig married his love of 6 months Rachel Weisz in a secret ceremony in New York.  Only their children and two close friends were in attendance.

For interfering mothers everywhere, this sounds like a nightmare.  But for many couples, tying the knot with no muss, no fuss is the idea of heaven.

Take Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, who married on a beautiful Carribbean island with her co-star Victor Garber as the celebrant and only one other person in attendance.

It was intimate, beautiful, poignant, meaningful...  everything a wedding should be.

Or should it?  There are some who say that a wedding without the pomp and ceremony, and without the family and friends there to share the moment with you, is not a wedding at all.  The marriage ceremony is steeped in ritual and tradition and to dodge all of that is to simply make a contract with the state.

Of course, if escaping the hoards of guests is EXACTLY the point of your wedding, than you can't do much better than running away to Vegas.  This stunt has been pulled many's the time over years by celebs ranging from Britney Spears to Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley.

As with everything in life, there are good reasons for and against marrying in secret. 

  • Getting exactly the kind of day you want with no interference from other people.  Whether its on a beautiful beach somewhere, or just you and him at the registry office.
  • Significantly cheaper: Fewer guests = fewer costs
  • No need to announce engagement: if you're going to marry in secret, there's no need to go through the embarrassment (and cost) of finding a picture for the local paper, ringing lots of people up and explaining for the millionth time how he proposed, or a tedious party with bad buffet food.
  • Flexibility: you could jump on a plane for Vegas tomorrow if you want to.  You've not got any guests to worry about, so why not?
  • Fewer gifts:  Whilst parents and close relatives are likely to still be generous because they love you so much, friends and other family may feel miffed and robbed of a chance to party.  They may be less giving as a result.
  • Loss of shared memories: one of the great things about weddings is that they give you and your loved ones a happy occassions to share and talk over for the rest of your lives.
  • Having to ring everybody up to tell them afterwards.  It's going to be an even longer phonecall than the engagement one would have been.
It is worth noting that  just because you marry in secret doesn't mean that you can't have the wedding of your dreams.  Darius Campbell and Natasha Henstridge married in beautiful California with only her children in attendance.  They arranged their wedding in a week and Nastasha had always dreamed of wearing Monique Lhuillier on her big day.  Lhuillier wedding dresses, even the 'off-the-rack' ones take at least 3 months to prepare.  But there was a beautiful white cocktail dress in the shop.  Natasha tried and it fit her perfectly.

She got her wish after all.

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