You Are (Un)Cordially Invited To... - Keeping the guest list simple

A nightmare that'll have you sweating and shivering.  Quite possibly the worst experience you'll ever have.  I am of course referring to compiling your wedding guest list.  Mind boggling, headache inducing, row causing... guest lists have been the death of more than one relationship before now.  Make sure yours is not the next casualty by following these basic tips:

 From author's private collection

When deciding who to invite to your big day, start with yourselves and who MUST be there and work out.  So many people I see start by panicking about the tangent relatives and former colleagues in far flung places.  There's the bride and the groom; that's two guests down already.  Your attendants must come next.  Then your parents: that's another 4.  Any siblings and other close family next, e.g. grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.  Then go to closest friends, token family (i.e. godparents, step family etc).  Having gone through all of these, if you have any space left over you can start thinking about work colleagues, distant family and neighbours.

From author's private collection

Your venue will dictate exactly how many people can be accomodated.  If you're holding your venue and sit-down reception in the same venue, find out the capacities of the ceremony room and the reception room.  If there is a discrepancy between the two, go with the smaller figure for your guestlist.  (As per previous blog entry, it is the epitome of bad manners to invite someone to the ceremony and not invite them to the sit down reception.)  Trust me, erring on the side of smaller numbers not only cuts costs, but it also makes putting your guest list together much simpler.  If you're worried about cutting some people out, no one is unlikely to be cross with the line "The venue is strictly limited as to the number of people we can invite."

Author's own

My most important rule is that your wedding is YOUR day, yours and your husband-to-be's.  No one else's.  If anybody makes that bigger a fuss about who should be there and not, they don't love you enough to care about what is really going to make you happy.  And frankly, their invite is the first one that can go in the bin!

From author's private collection

Invitation Ettiquette - How to word, send and address invites

It's not always possible to invite all your friends and family to every part of your special day.  This is taken as a given nowadays and as time has gone on people have become less offended at receiving 'Reception only' invitations.  What's more, if you're having a religious ceremony, some non-religious people may prefer to receive an evening only invite.

invitationsbyajalon.com

Invitations are the first indicator your guests will have about the day so it is important to give them a flavour of what to expect.  Setting the right tone in the words is also critical.  There is no right or wrong way to write this; it's all about the kind of day you're having.  There's nothing wrong with sending an email if you're planning a very informal event.

firsthomedutchess.com

The first thing to get right is "Who is hosting the wedding?"  Long gone are the days of the bride's parents hosting the day as most couples pay for their wedding themselves now, although some feel that this is a nice way to include their families in the planning: by asking them to look after the guest list and chase up responses.

If the bride's parents are hosting:

Mr and Mrs P J Brown request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of their daughter

Mary Anne

to

Mr John Andrew Smith

The wording is altered slightly if the groom's parents are hosting and the order of the names is changed.

If the parents are seperated and one has remarried, the invitation should read as follows:

Mr P J Brown and Mrs S A Jones request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of their daughter

Mary Anne.... etc

If the parents are merely seperated but not remarried, use the above wording but giving the mother's unchanged surname.

If the couple are hosting, an invite should read:

John Smith and Mary Brown request the pleasure of your company

at their marriage on....

In this context, middle names are not appropriate.  This wording is also suitable if another family member or a good friend is hosting the event.  However, ensure you include the names of the bride and groom as per the previous two descriptions.

 Charlotte Balbier

Whilst many guests will not be offended at only being asked to attend the evening of wedding reception, it is still a HUUUUUGE faux pas to invite guests on paper to the church and not to the formal reception.  Worse is to invite them to the church and then the evening.  You are effectively banishing them and sending them away from the festivites to fend for themselves.  This is simply unacceptable, especially if those guests have had to travel any way to be with you.  Guests deserved to be treated to pleasant day out just as much as you deserve to have a day you'll remember for the rest of your life.  If you want guests to attend the church and then an evening reception, send an invitation for the evening do and then verbally invite them to the church.  Churches are opening buildings and are not permitted to exclude anyone from a wedding service.  Guests should be made to feel that they are welcome to attend the ceremony, but it is not essential.

I Source unknown

Other things that are important to include with the wedding invite are maps - particularly important if you have guests who are not familiar with the area you're getting hitched in; wedding gift list - not the taboo thing it once was; any hints/ideas for your dress code (if you're having one); and any protocols that might be pertinent to your venue.  For instance, many churches and hotels do not permit the throwing of confetti, so you might like to suggest your guests blow bubbles instead.

 

Lovemydress.net

 For most wedding invitations, you need to allow at least 6 weeks notice before the event.  This should double if you're expecting people to travel abroad for the day.  Set a date on the invite for guests to RSVP by.  To ensure you get all your responses, include a response card and a stamp-addressed envelope so that invitees do not have to think about sending their response back.  You can also set up a dedicated wedding email for extra busy people in your life.  Webmail accounts from Google and Yahoo are free.  This email account can also be used strictly for wedding  business, such a liaising with venues and caterers.  Try to keep the address short but memorable: robjanewedding20062012@.... etc.

DIY Weddings - How much of your big day do you actually want to do yourself

Your wedding is going to be the most special day of your life, therefore it's tempting to want to make all the arrangements yourself.  Further, it's hard to not want to make everything yourself: from the flowers and the flavours, to the invitations and even your dress.  What brides often fail to comprehend is that there is so much involved in planning your wedding, unless you have all the free time in the world, oodles of storage space and months and months of advance planning, it's nigh on impossible to do all the details yourself.  So the question becomes: where do you draw the line and start delegating?

anniemame.com

In the film Monster In Law, Charlie (played by Jennifer Lopez) designs and makes her own wedding dress.  It looks amazing, no two ways about it, but we're all left thinking: 'How did she find the time to do that between organising a wedding and fighting with Jane Fonda?'  Making your own dress takes a lot of confidence and skill.  It's not a trick you can learn overnight.  However, in times of a recession, being thrifty and handy with a needle fits in very nicely with a tight budget.  Quirkier, more vintage-y style dresses are very in vogue.  Making your own dress at least guarantees you something original.  Although perhaps making one out of football shirts isn't to everyone's taste.

uk.eurosport.yahoo.com

Creating your own wedding bouquet can be a fun thing to do as well as saving you money, but it shouldn't be done without plenty of forward planning.  Using flowers from your garden may sound like a budget-saving no-brainer, but garden flowers are meant to be outside in the ground.  They may also be diseased or be suffering from damp.  They're stalks are almost never straight, which can be bad for shaping or styling.  Get a little extra help from the experts beforehand by booking yourself onto a one-day wedding flowers course, run by many florists including Jamie Aston and Pesh.

Pesh Flowers

If you're more an arts and crafts kind of person, making invitations, place settings and orders of service is wonderful way of adding your personal touch to your wedding.  If there are going to be hundreds of pieces to make, enlist friends and family to help you make them from a pre-set design by yourself.  Hobbycraft is great place to find inspiration and details for your paper souvenirs.

simplybeginning.com

The trick is not to make things over complicated: you are the centre and the back bone of the show.  You are the monkey AND the organ grinder.  Getting bogged down in the details will leave other things forgotten.