Keep It Simple, Keep It Real - remembering what it's all about

I was lucky enough to witness the moment when Sir Paul McCartney and his bride Nancy Shevall arrived at Marylebone Register Office, waved to the crowds and then headed inside to say their vows.  When I say "witnessed,"  I acutally mean 'caught on the BBC News 24 channel'.  This very rarely happens to me - being just in time to catch a significant moment - and I can't helped but feel a little proud of this.

The other thing you couldn't help but notice was how happy he and his bride looked.  My belief is that not only were they in love, they didn't have many of the hang-ups of a big wedding with lots of photographers, media attention, and general hullabaloo that weddings seem to attract.  Paul and Nancy had it sussed - they invited only 30 of their closet friends and family to witness their marriage.  They then had a party at home with food and music exactly as they wanted it.  No bending to specific venue suppliers, fussy caterers or overbearing magazine photographers trying to get as many celebs as possible in the one shot.  Perfect!

Having a quiet wedding when you're a celeb is not easy.  Madonna and Guy Richie's nuptials in December 2000 had the world's media circus clamouring at the doors of Skibo Castle in Scotland.  Yet ultimately, all the disruption was for nothing.  Photographers and fans alike were left disappointed by the complete no-show of the happy couple.  Some fans even felt let down that they were not permitted a teensy glimpse into their favourite singer's big day.  Many locals felt peeved at having so much upheaval and disturbance, particularly in the run-up to Christmas, with no reward.  At least Kate Moss had the decency to send everybody in Southrop a bottle of champagne to say sorry for the disruption!

Perhaps the best way to handle public interest in a wedding is by doing it the way that Zoe Ball & Norman Cook, Abbey Clancy & Peter Crouch, and Ed Milliband & Justine Thornton did it: by keeping the celebrations strictly behind closed doors, but posing for fans and photographers for just a couple of minutes.  The public gets what it wants and the couple can party in relative peace.  Alternatively, when Macca married Heather Mills in 2002, they issued one official photograph from their day which was sold to media agencies in exchange for a donation to their chosen charities.

Thankfully, press control is something few of us will ever have to worry about.  However, if you're planning to marry quietly, 'just us two', you may want to consider hiring a good photographer, selecting one image and sending it out a print - an 'official' photograph - to your friends and family who weren't there to give them a little taste of what the day was like.  It will probably help to heal any sore wounds caused by a missed opportunity to party.

Ssh! - The Pros and Cons of doing it in Secret

What a surprise we've woken up to today - James Bond star Daniel Craig married his love of 6 months Rachel Weisz in a secret ceremony in New York.  Only their children and two close friends were in attendance.

For interfering mothers everywhere, this sounds like a nightmare.  But for many couples, tying the knot with no muss, no fuss is the idea of heaven.

Take Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, who married on a beautiful Carribbean island with her co-star Victor Garber as the celebrant and only one other person in attendance.

It was intimate, beautiful, poignant, meaningful...  everything a wedding should be.

Or should it?  There are some who say that a wedding without the pomp and ceremony, and without the family and friends there to share the moment with you, is not a wedding at all.  The marriage ceremony is steeped in ritual and tradition and to dodge all of that is to simply make a contract with the state.

Of course, if escaping the hoards of guests is EXACTLY the point of your wedding, than you can't do much better than running away to Vegas.  This stunt has been pulled many's the time over years by celebs ranging from Britney Spears to Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley.

As with everything in life, there are good reasons for and against marrying in secret. 

Pros:

• Getting exactly the kind of day you want with no interference from other people.  Whether its on a beautiful beach somewhere, or just you and him at the registry office.
• Significantly cheaper: Fewer guests = fewer costs
• No need to announce engagement: if you're going to marry in secret, there's no need to go through the embarrassment (and cost) of finding a picture for the local paper, ringing lots of people up and explaining for the millionth time how he proposed, or a tedious party with bad buffet food.
• Flexibility: you could jump on a plane for Vegas tomorrow if you want to.  You've not got any guests to worry about, so why not?

Cons:

• Fewer gifts:  Whilst parents and close relatives are likely to still be generous because they love you so much, friends and other family may feel miffed and robbed of a chance to party.  They may be less giving as a result.
• Loss of shared memories: one of the great things about weddings is that they give you and your loved ones a happy occassions to share and talk over for the rest of your lives.
• Having to ring everybody up to tell them afterwards.  It's going to be an even longer phonecall than the engagement one would have been.

It is worth noting that  just because you marry in secret doesn't mean that you can't have the wedding of your dreams.  Darius Campbell and Natasha Henstridge married in beautiful California with only her children in attendance.  They arranged their wedding in a week and Nastasha had always dreamed of wearing Monique Lhuillier on her big day.  Lhuillier wedding dresses, even the 'off-the-rack' ones take at least 3 months to prepare.  But there was a beautiful white cocktail dress in the shop.  Natasha tried and it fit her perfectly.

She got her wish after all.