Planning A Wedding, Preparing For Divorce - Would you consider a pre-nup?

You're looking at fabric swatches, invitation designs and centrepieces in haze of creative bliss, and then you get a rude awakening in the form of 100 page document from your hubby-to-be's lawyer, detailing down to the last minute point what will happen in the event of divorce.  It's hardly the romantic bunch of flowers most girls would be looking for.  Prenuptial agreements have long divided opinion: are they romance killers, or practical guides?

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Given the high rate of divorce across the UK, Europe and the US, it is perhaps not surprising that more people than ever are considered signing one.  Prenups are useful documents that set out, before the marriage, how assets should divide upon the union being dissolved.  They are useful tools because the marriage breakdown leaves couples fraught, angry and unable to think clearly where their partner is concerned.

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The biggest argument against such a document is that it destroys the whole point of getting married in the first place.  If you think you're going to split up in the end, why bother with the wedding to begin with?  Many legal reps involved with drafting prenups agree that the prenup puts added pressure on the relationship, making it more likely to fail before it starts.  This can be due to the outrageous clauses in them.  Peculiar examples include weight clauses (the disadvantaged party can claim financial recompense if the other spouse goes above their agreed weight limit), abortion clauses (all cases of pregnancy must be terminated) and cheating bonuses, where the disadvantaged party can claim an extra financial bonus if their partner is unfaithful.

 

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The fact that prenups in the UK are not legal binding, in my opinion, is an advantage.  It can act as a useful guideline, but it still leaves room for manoeuvre or a dramatic change in circumstance in the lifetime of the marriage.  If you feel the need to have an agreement, my advice is to talk about it with your partner as soon after your engagement as possible.  Organising such a serious document in the middle of a wedding haze won't be good for you now or then.  Given the legal fees that drawing up such a document will entail, I do not believe it would be worth having one unless you believe that you would suffer a serious financial loss if the marriage were to fall apart.

  

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Organised Banker/Bride - never mock the bride who is financially well prepared

Whoever said "You can be too prepared" didn't know what the heck he was talking about.  He certainly had never planned a wedding!

The one mistake I see brides making time and time again is leaving things to the last minute.  A lot of people think that it is somehow inappropriate to start looking at things too soon after getting engaged.  NOT TRUE!  Also, going out to buy a dress before picking your venue and date is crass.  EH-EH!  WRONG AGAIN!  The most imporant rule of planning is: You can never start planning too soon.

Whilst there are perhaps technical implications to some of this - sometimes it is more prudent to wait until you have other details fixed before buying your dress - what's to stop you from building your big day around the dress.  Why not?  Planning is about shaping the day the way you want.

Of course, it is sensible to prioristise what is important to you on your big day.  You also should consider what is going to take up the most of your budget.  Venue hire and catering usually eat up the biggest portion of the money.

So first and foremost after getting engaged, you must set the budget.  Make it realistic.  Whilst it is fair to factor to factor in contributions from family whom you know for sure will want to contribute, it is unrealistic to try and factor in future savings (i.e. money you don't already have in the bank.)  However, agreeing not to start planning a wedding until you've got the amount you want to spend on the wedding saved up is a sensible idea.

Weddings should be paid for 100% from savings.  I do not avocate taking out loans for weddings as the interest you will end up paying on that loan will render the wedding 100% not worth it!  Small items that you can use again after the wedding, such as shoes or wedding night lingerie, could be paid for from your day to day bank account, but only after all your monthly expenses such as your phone bills, other utility bills, insurance payments, petrol/fuel costs, food shopping etc.  have been covered.  Also, never put wedding payments onto a credit card unless you know you have the money in savings to clear it.

It may help you to set up a seperate bank account for all wedding expenditure.  This will help you to see exactly how much is being spent on what.  If you cannot do this, make sure you keep a spreadsheet detailing all this information.  A spreadsheet can also help you keep an eye on any funds that are due in the future.

Although it may well be the single most important day of your life, your wedding is not worth getting into debt for.  Be smart with your money.